Below mistakes (negligence and omissions) are eighteen (18) unhealthy stuff we do and must refrain from that has the potential of destroying our home and marriages.
1. Working so Hard in your Job/Business than your Marriage is Immaturity
Men, your company, your career, your business is growing and flourishing because you oversee and invest quality time to it. So also, if your marriage must grow and flourish, we must dedicate quality time into it by being available for your wife and Kids. Doing this will make our home heaven on earth.
2. Flirting With Other Women is Cheating.
You may not physically sleep with other women but emotionally cheating is also unfaithfulness. Receiving nude images and having phone sex with other women is also cheating. Talking suggestively and attracting temptations is also cheating. If you are a flirt, flirt with your wife. If you claim your wife is too rigid, treat her well and she will respond to your kinky ways. She also wants sexual pleasure and needs to feel wanted.
3. Generosity Outside and Stinginess Inside the Home is Awry
Don’t be the husband who quickly says “yes” when other people ask for your help, your time and money but in turn, you’re stingy to your Wife and Kids. Your family must comes first in everything. Don’t go to harambee contributing large sums, helping out people because you want to have a good public image and yet to your family, you deprive and deny deny them necessities.
4. Being Emotional or Showing Love is Not Unmanly
When you were dating and courting, you were romantic and thoughtful; but now that you are married, you wrongly think that showing love or expressing emotions is unmanly and beneath you. If you truly love your wife, tell her, she needs to hear it. Warm her heart. Romance her. Date your wife. Her being a wife doesn’t mean she doesn’t need to feel loved. Real men express their love to their wives. God is a loving God. If God doesn’t find showing love as something beneath Him, who are you to shun showing affection when you were created in the image of God?
5. Throwing Money and Gifts Doesn’t Get the Problems Solved.
When your wife and kids gets concerned and complains about you spending much time away from home; Change!
When you are told you are not doing well, what you are supposed to do is to Improve!
Don’t throw money and gifts at them to silence them. They demands your time and presence, not worthless things as gifts. You must see the need to change and have a shift of attitude.
6. Admiring Other Women More than your Wife is Uncalled for
If you find other women better looking than your wife, work on your wife. Nourish her with compliments, get her the beautiful clothing and wear you think she’d look good and attractive in. Take her shopping, Go to the gym with her, Take her Jogging to keep her fit and in shape; Pamper her, love her and groom her until she glows to your taste.
7. Wasting your Money on Worthless things Other than Investing in your Family.
Stop wasting your family money on alcohol, drugs, prostitutes, strippers, addictions. Invest that money in your family, the future of your Kids. Even if you are super wealthy, you can find other ways to have fun that contributes positively to your family life. You may utilise your wealth into more honourable things like supporting your parents, your siblings, the less fortunate, the needs and less privilege homes in society. You don’t have to be unfaithful and reckless just because you own plenty of wealth. You can make an impact in your family and your community.
8. Justifying Pornography
Pornography is lusting after other women on videos and images other than your wife. This is actually cheating because you are desiring other women not your wife. This also lays the ground for future acts of unfaithfulness. Because you see no harm desiring strange women on videos and pictures, soon you will see no harm desiring women in the streets, at work, and in your neighbourhood; then you might actually sleep with another woman.
9. Being the Head of the Family Doesn’t Make you a Dictator.
This is what makes some husbands to beat up their wives, abuse them, sit on them and hinder their progress. Your wife is not your junior but your partner. She is your wife and better half. Hurting her is hurting you. She is not your competitor, celebrate her progress. Being “The Head” doesn’t mean your word The Law or make you treat your wife as a slave. In fact, because you are the head, you should serve more, give more and humble yourself to make sure your wife and Kids are doing well.
10. Ignoring your Wife’s Advice
Don’t hide things from your wife. Engage her in making family decisions. You are stronger when you move as a team. Your wife has powerful instincts and she can help navigate you through life’s issues and challenges.
11. Too Proud to say “Sorry” or to Listen to your Wife.
You are capable of doing wrong as no one is perfect. When you do wrong, Admit it. Problems don’t get solved when you deny them. You are not perfect. Learn to say sorry to your wife and Kids. By refusing to say sorry, you are showing your wife that you are insensitive and that you are capable of hurting her and distorting the mood at home. Sometimes all a woman needs is for you to say “I am sorry” and she’ll be forgive you. Be open to learn and to be corrected. Far too many men are ruining their homes because of pride.
12. Abdicating your Spiritual Role
You are to lead your family spiritually. Don’t neglect this role not leave it to your wife alone. Your wife needs your prayers; she needs you to walk with her in God. Your Kids need to see you living for God, praying and teaching them about God. You say you want a Godly household, well, be an actively Godly Husband and Father
13. Assuming your Job/Business title at home.
Whether you are a CEO, Manager, Director or an Award Winning celebrity in your profession, once you get home or when you are with your wife and family, put away your title. Play your role as husband and father. Don’t treat your wife and children like subordinates, lording over them. The home is a place of love, not a place for issuing orders, restrictions, pressure and intimidations.
14. Concealing your Failures
In the event that things do not go well, or you get fired from your place of work, or you get retrenched, or you made a bad decision; please, learn to Share it with your wife. Do not hide it and try to project a fake image of ‘everything is alright’. Your wife is there to have your back; she will walk with you. Share with her your weaknesses and failures. Love will always win, at the end.
15. Caring More about What your Friends or Parent Think than your Wife’s.
Don’t let your friends or parents ruin your marriage. Don’t make your friends influence you negatively and giving you the idea that you are being say upon by your wife. Do allow them to wrongly advice you to be tough on your wife just to prove that you are man enough. A true friend is a friend to your marriage. Your parents might mean well but might drive a wedge between you and your wife if you allow put them in control over your marriage. You left your father and mother to be “one” with your wife. Therefore, defend your home!
16. Being Sexually Selfish
Your wife has sexual needs too. Don’t sex her, get your cum and sleep thereafter or leave her hanging. Satisfy her sexually. Lick her, touch her, kiss her, massage her, suck her nipples, explore her body, make her sweat, make her tremble and asking for more, make her feel all the sexual sensations as possible. She is faithful to you and no other man has the chance to satisfy her but you. Satisfy her and she will satisfy you. It is your role to make her wet and well-fed sexually. A sexed-up wife is a happy wife, which in turn translate into a happy home.
17. Abandoning the Parenting Responsibilities to your Wife alone
When she gets pregnant, don’t abandon her. Learn to assist her as she carries your child. After birth, be proactive in teaching, mentoring and guiding your Kids in the right way. Stop the nonsense assuming that it’s your wife’s responsibility to discipline the Kids when they do wrong. It is tour responsibility to instill fear, love and respect to your kids. Remember, when the child does well, you become a proud father
18. Failing to Prepare your Children for your Succession.
When you start a business, involve your Kids when they’re of reasonable age. Let your wife know every details of your properties, assets and ventures. Prepare for your children’s future. Write your will plainly. Share information and don’t keep things away from your Wife or keep your family in the dark. Too much unnecessary confusion plagues families because of lack of preparation and clarity.
Credit: Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech