Love, Respect, and Courtesy are the basic ingredients of a happy marriage. They need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. Everyone loves to be loved. It’s commonly said that: “Love makes the world go round“. The emotional need for love is not simply a childhood phenomenon but it follows us into marriage (adulthood). They need to feel loved by our spouse is at the heart of marital desires. There is something deep down in our nature that cries out to be loved by another. Love is what makes a happy marriage.
Of what good are the cars, mansions, beach, vacations, or any of the rest of it if you’re not loved by your spouse?
The emotional needs for love must be felt if we are to have our complete emotional health. We feel a sense of security when we’re assured that our spouse wants us, accepts us, and is totally committed to our wellbeing.
Below are thirteen (13) ingredients on which the quality of your marriage thrives upon.
Love is the fundamental element of every successful marriage. Hence, it must be shared generously by both spouses. Always express to your spouse how much you love, care, and appreciate them regularly by saying the three-letter magic words, “I love you” every single day.
Love is about accepting your spouse totally amidst the flaws. We are not all perfect. You cannot love a man/woman you do not accept. Stop comparing your spouse with anyone as she can never be somebody else. Until you accept your spouse, you can never get the best out of your marriage.
Communication is the key and life-wire to every meaningful relationship. It creates intimacy and bonding. Always engage your spouse and converse as friends and lovers. Never you make your spouse guess what you may be thinking or feeling. Don’t expect him/her to read your mind. You must be at ease to discuss with your spouse anything without fear.
Understanding and learning each other’s love language (words, gifts, touch, actions, etc.) is an important skill we must adopt. If it is Words, then frequently tell your spouse how much you love and appreciate him/ her. If it is Action: regularly do things that they appreciate. You could take the garbage out, wash the dishes, cook the food, wash the car, etc. Communication helps you keep track of the things your spouse loves.
3. Listening to each other
Always listen attentively and pay close attention when communicating with your spouse. You can mute/switch off your phone or television, shut down your computer, iPad or newspapers, books, and magazines or whatever it is that could create a distraction when in communication with your spouse. The greatest communication skill you can develop is the listening skill.
Listening makes your spouse feel valued and loved. Be always quiet and patient when conversing with your spouse. Never you interrupt. You will have a chance to express your opinion after he/she is done speaking. Learn to keep close eye contact when communicating with your spouse. This will make her feel that you are interested in what she wants to say.
No marriage succeeds without understanding. Learn to know one another as best as you can. Marriage is about two imperfect people coming together to form a perfect union. We must understand and respect our individuality and note that we are not the same. In marriage, we are constantly learning and understanding each other’s peculiarities, strengths, and weaknesses. When we understand our spouse, we can compliments them.
Be quick to forgive and quick to apologize. Love forgives. Learn to accept an apology. Freely forgive your spouse’s past, present, and future offenses and never refer to his/her past mistakes. Never go to bed angry carrying unsettled quarrels. Marriage involves two forgivers living together.
Be honest and show sincere appreciation. Learn to appreciate your spouse. Show them an appreciation for the little things. Be thankful and say so!!! Find something that you appreciate about your spouse and say thank you. Do NOT look at other marriages and covet. No marriage is perfect. Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side. You will still have to maintain, mow, and weed that side too!
7. Love Making
Have lots of sex. Enjoy Sex with your spouse. Never withhold sex from your spouse as a punishment. Kiss passionately. Hold hands. Cuddle. Make physical affection a priority in your marriage
Remember your vows. Review them on a regular basis and be faithful to your spouse. Being unfaithful is the easiest way to completely ruin your marriage. Adultery kills. Never talk bad about your spouse to other people. Protect him or her and always keep his or her name sacrosanct. Fight for each other, not with each other.
9. Selfless Giving
Surprise each other with lovely gifts. Provide for the needs of your spouse and children. Do not be stingy; be caring generous to your spouse. Husbands, provide for the needs of the home and the kids regularly. Wife, support your husband. Marriage is not 50/50. It’s a 100/100. You give yourself entirely and don’t hold back. Men, be sensitive to your wife’s needs. Spend money to beautify her and make her the woman you want her to become.
10. Quality time
Make quality time for each other, keep dating each other, and put your marriage and spouse before your children. Play together. Never lose your sense of humor. Make your spouse your best friend. Aim to do something together at least once per week. It does not matter little it may seem, even if it’s to eat together, bath together, watch movies together, read books together, and share light conversations.
11. Sincerity & Courtesy
Always be honest with your partner. Lying never gets you anywhere. Be always honest with your partner. Learn to share everything. There should be no secrets between you. Be open with your spouse, be polite, and be courteous to each other. Learn to always say these miracles phrases: “thank you“, “please forgive me” and “I am sorry“. Don’t do things that you know would hurt your spouse. Develop a godly character and never create a hostile environment for your spouse. The best way to improve your relationship is to improve yourself and focusing on making your spouse happy.
12. Work it out together
Work at your marriage. If you ever lack motivation for your marriage and feel like the flame has gone dead, just try to imagine yourself without your spouse. Ask anyone who unfortunately have lost their soul mate and they’ll tell you that they will give anything to have back that special someone.
Remember, it is your marriage so make the best of it. Pledge to yourself that you will do your part and put in your best for the success of your marriage. Remember that you chose your spouse for forever. All issues have a solution. You must resolve every misunderstanding at the time of the conversation.
Don’t make mountains out of mole hills. Don’t waste your time fighting over little things. It’s not worth it. Let small things go and never broadcast your problems to everyone else. If you need to talk to someone about it, other than your spouse, get a therapist.
13. Serve God together
Above all: Serve God together, Pray together, and include your spouse daily in your personal prayers. Be specific. Talk to God about his or her challenges and trials, and ask God what you can do to be a better spouse.
Do all these and I promise that you will never fail in marriage!